I have only a few more minutes till adlina-sensei comes and the doorbell rings, So i guess ill make this entry a quick one.
Just finished reading some blogs.
Coindently,I read this blog of a classmate of mine who liked this girl
whom I presume is in a good friendship with him.
FRIENDSHIP, is it good that one is in a friendship with the person one admires yet
there is a barrier or wall that prevents you from going any further?
But at the same time, FRIENDSHIP is the closest relationship one can have without too much emotional attatchment other than a real like-like relationship.
What I just typed is going nowhere. I guess what I am trying to say is that I am somewhat confused and lost. I dont know whether I should be envious that I dont have a proper friendship with him. Yet at the same time I feel that I should not like him or get close to him because I am not worthy or good enough? But at the same time, I want to get to know him more..as a friend? Yet i feel that I might not be strong enough to last through it all.
Im wondering if I could even like him.
Im saying all these things and writting all those poems yet my feelings, thoughts and reactions are not....how should i put this...irregular? I don't know.
It just seems weird to me that I can say how I like him , this and that when I can forget about it like a few days later and resume the same cycle over and over again. Maybe its me who is too afraid to let go of something that I Held so dear - The person who could've liked me for who I am. But at the end of the day i Shun him out without realising it? I don't know.
Again I am mental blocked. My fingers yearns to type yet my finger dont know what key to press. Only questions are racing through my mind, nothing logical of any sort.
I am suddenly reminded of why i wanted to type, just a second ago. Friday I confessed to liking him but not to him of course. I did a crazy and unsoundly thing by having an image of him with me. But then i question to myself, "Do i really like him?".
Why I like him? i dont know.
What part of him i like? I dont know.
Would you want to be with him? I dont know!
Even after saying " I don't know", somehow i feel that maybe it is not him that i like. It probably the idea of liking someone i guess.To be fair, I guess i have to let go...
So i shall say.......
Goodbye.
Labels: Draft
<$I18NNumComments$>:
<$CommentPager$>
-
<$I18NCommentAuthorSaid$>
-
- <$BlogCommentDateTime$>
<$BlogCommentDeleteIcon$>
<$CommentPager$>
<$BlogCommentBody$>
<$BlogItemCreate$>
<$BlogItemFeedLinks$>
:
@ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>
<$BlogItemBacklinkCreate$>
<< Home