I could'nt believe I would see myself crying over a community that I thought made me happy.
Despite confiding in my close friends, it came haunting me when im offguard.
Although it may just be an award.
But to me its more than an award.
Its a recognition; Its a statement.
When I see some reciepients who probably do not fully deserve it,
it angers me even more.
To think that all the seniors were on the list, and only I was forgotten.
Did I not do enough? Did i not sacrifice enough time?
Cuz believe me, all the time I had commit was all the time I could give.
I put my 100% focus,concentration and discipline.
Was my conduct not good enough?
Was I too quiet that I was eventually forgotten?
Or was it due to my taciturn character that simple made my commitment and contributions less significant.
No doubt it is bad to do something with the thought of rewards in mind.
But is it really bad to give your 100% into something and simply hope for recognition in the end?
I'd be happy if those who truly deserve ONLY get the award.
But on the list, with my own eyes, I saw all the seniors names who served 3years+ on the list..
except..me.
It got me thinking..
Was it because I missed that ONE performance because I had to dedicate time to my studies?
I feel betrayed. I feel sad. Ultimately, I feel disappointed of the highest degree.
And when I reminisce of those hard moments I had to experience which I probably didnt blog about.
it was so painful, yet I trudged on.
I thought I had left my mark..
I thought I was at least respected in a way.
I was..wrong.
Maybe I am just invincible after all.
Labels: Draft
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